Looking back, 2023-Edition

Have I done one of the looking back at the year posts yet? I don’t think so, but this year deserves one I guess, I can’t remember the last year so many things have changed, but I am getting ahead of myself, so let’s start at the beginning.

There is no point in denying it, I was properly burnt out by my old position and on the brink of depression in January, I couldn’t keep going there and I knew it. I sent out résumés to various companies I didn’t really want to work for, briefly considered going back to university, study and become a teacher, but in the end didn’t really want to do that either. My birthday came up and I was glad when everyone left, so I could be miserable again by myself, the only thing that, at times, managed to but a smile on my face was my newly discovered hobby of crosscountry skiing with a couple of my friends. And so the year dragged on, more skiing in March and the also loss of my grandfather, who, after a long struggle, was finally allowed to pass on March 2nd of 2023.

I don’t do well with people who are suffering, especially if I can’t help them. But this part of the year particularly shocked me. We knew he didn’t have long and after the cancer took his ability to walk he lost his will to live. In Austria assisted suicide is a thing by now and that is what he wanted, we managed to get him to two doctors who confirmed he was sane and wouldn’t be getting any better, he signed everything necessary hoping his suffering would end soon, just to be denied by a notary public who wouldn’t take cases like that, for his conscience. He took matters in his own hands and didn’t succeed. The last time I got to see him was at the insanity ward of his hospital, completely sane amongst the actually insane, for wanting to end his suffering. That experience almost broke me, our system is shit and held back by the notion that life is sacred. We make people suffer without real reason. We need to change that, and soon. Anyway, when the call came, that he didn’t make the night I was sad an relieved at the same time. Also thinking back about how they told my mother, his daughter, that they would keep his body for obduction, because she visited last and he passed so sudden, they weren’t sure if she hadn’t given him something to make him pass, still makes me so angry I want to go down to my fitness room and punch my boxing-sack all night.

Around this time I have had a couple of talks with both competitors of my old company, but, in the end, told both I didn’t want to go up against my colleges. One of them informed me she had a different company as well and she needed help there to rebuild the sales department. Just something to keep in mind.

Also at that part of the year, my sister and her boyfriend got engaged, which was the first bit of good news this year had produced, and I was asked to be my sisters best man, a duty I gladly accepted.

When April came around my mood started to improve a little, we celebrated my fathers birthday, in May we took a trip to Switzerland and I got to see the Matterhorn.

Also in May I finished negotiating the terms with my new employer, the one needing help rebuilding her sales department, and on May 31st I officially handed in my resignation.

I knew I would be making way less then before and I knew that this job would be more than challenging, but I can’t even describe the weight that was lifted off my shoulders the day I quit.

June I spent doing busy work and documenting and come July the 3rd I entered into my new role.

However I needed to learn about the products first and being an engineer, I decided coding on the product would be a good first step.

Big mistake, turns out switching from php to c# and wpf is just about as big a step as moving from Austria to China, without having learned the language first. I swear, after day one, which I spent on solving a problem that would have taken me like 10 minutes in php, without finishing the task, I went straight to the couch, rolled up and asked my self, what I had done.

Day two was better, turns out, they didn’t expect a sales guy to code at all and where happy I even tried and even more happy to lend me a hand. We got that task resolved and a couple more.

But July brought more good news, on my mothers birthday we were informed about my sister expecting a baby, by now we know it is going to be a boy. In August I got to attend my sisters wedding and do my best man speech. I can’t even begin to describe how happy I am for her.

At my new job things started improving as well, I got to involve myself into a couple of smaller and bigger projects and I have to say, the team is just a bliss.

Starting August the year just seemed to roll through and suddenly it’s the 23rd of December, I closed a lot of deals and on the 20thiest, my bosses birthday, I got confirmation, my biggest deal was going to be closed in my favour as well. She seemed to like that birthday present.

But what made me write this post is this, I used to enjoy the month of December, I am a Christmas person, I am an atheist, but Christmas is more of a commercial holiday anyway. This is the first Christmas and December I enjoyed in a long time. 2023 started as one of my worst years, but at its end, I think the last time I have been this happy in a long time.

2023 has been my year, I went from a very dark place to being as happy as I can remember. This is the first end of a year, that I can remember, where I am looking forward to the next, with the expectation of it being even better.

Or simply put, right now, I am fucking happy, I regret non of my decisions. And how often do you get to say that?

Best year, in a long time.

To everyone who reads this, enjoy your holidays, a happy new year and if you happen to need a signage solution, call me 😉

Merry Christmas and a happy 2024 to you all!

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